Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Speaker A: One thing that I think people put too high of a value on, it's just naturally because of who we are as humans, how we think and wanting to be approved by people is impressing people. It's exhausting, and it'll never be enough.
The line is always moving. It's always shifting.
The line will continue to move as long as you're still breathing. And I've come to find that in life and in business, if you lose, people will talk. If you win, people will talk. People will always have something to say. That's just the way that it is. And it's okay, right? There's always going to be noise, and you can either use it as leverage and as momentum, or you can allow it to slow you down from getting to where you want to go.
[00:00:53] Speaker B: Welcome back to another edition of trust this. I'm Joe Siegel, your host. And we're here today with Caleb Paul, networking guru, and he's going to give us some tips and tricks on that. But first, we're going to hear more about his story, how he got where he is today, and his thoughts on life in general. So, Caleb, I want to welcome you. Welcome to the studio. And first of all, why don't you just tell us a little bit about yourself, who you are, what you do, how you got where you are.
[00:01:21] Speaker A: Absolutely. Well, like Joe mentioned, my name is Caleb Paul. I come from Massachusetts, so I always joke about coming from Taxachusetts. It's known for having a lot of mass holes, which I later learned is offensive to some people, but it's the running joke up in the north. So I embraced that. I lived there for 18 years and spent a few years kind of bouncing around to a few other states before ultimately ending up here in Orlando back in the beginning of 2020. So right before COVID came in and disrupted everything, I was in Pennsylvania previously, but then transitioned down here to accept a sales role for a long time, friend and mentor of mine. And that first year was kind of challenging and working in the commercial office furniture industry. And throughout that time, I began to get out more and just develop a sense of community here in Orlando and developed a sense of kind of belonging, I guess you could say, in this community. And a little other, a couple other little things about me is that I come from a homeschool family, seven kids, which is a little bit unique, and four sisters, two brothers.
[00:02:37] Speaker B: And that's now, where do you fall in the family? Middle, older, younger? Where are you?
[00:02:43] Speaker A: So I'm the oldest boy. I have two older sisters, two younger sisters. Two younger brothers.
[00:02:49] Speaker B: Wow. Wow. Now, you went to. I saw you went to a leadership institute. What was that about?
[00:02:57] Speaker A: Yeah, so at the age of 18, actually, a couple of weeks after I turned 18, I left the house and I went to a leadership school, as they call it. It was a nine week semester of intensive leadership training. It was a Bible based school. So it was a lot about just foundations of learning and understanding the Bible better and just a lot of leadership skills and a lot of intensive training and different activities that we would do together as a group throughout that time. We did a lot of hiking, lots of just outdoorsy things. That was in Colorado. Right. So this is a whole different lifestyle out there. Just a fantastic community of people. I ended up interning afterwards for ten months at that school and did really enjoyed my time there. Learned a lot, met a lot of incredible people.
[00:03:50] Speaker B: Well, I think that's going to. I mean, that's going to sort of take me to my first question here. I. A lot of people, you know, it comes down to nature versus nurture. And do you think that leadership, that you're just born with it, or is it something. Do you think you can learn leadership?
[00:04:09] Speaker A: That's a really good question. I think leadership is definitely something that somebody can be born with certain tendencies of a leader, just naturally, you know, gifted in certain ways. But for me, it was definitely shaped by the experiences that I had, right. I mean, I was. I touched on being part of a homeschool family of seven, but as, I mean, I was part of a blue collar household, blue collar mentality later in life. My parents divorced. I mean, lots of challenging times growing up, and that was part of the reason why I left home at 18. But for me, all of that was shaping me into who I am today, the way that I process things now, right. The way that I interact with and empathize with people was all shaped by and through the experiences, both positive and negative, that I had growing up. But, like, looking back into my family upbringing, I mean, there was so much chaos and so much division that I think it really gave me a unique perspective as a leader, right, of the certain choices that I wanted to make and seeing how certain choices from my parents and other people affected myself and my siblings, and just taking a look in the mirror and saying, I want to do things a little bit differently, and I don't have to be defined by my parents choices. I can pave a new path forward in the way that I lead, in the way that I set an example for my future family, and even for the people around me as a leader, that can be something that's shaped by all of these experiences that I've had and setting a new path forward.
[00:05:55] Speaker B: When I've heard you say you used the word empathize, and you've talked about empathy before, I've heard you talk about that. How, number one, what does being empathetic mean to you, and how does that.
How important is that to being a good leader, to be empathetic and to have empathy?
[00:06:16] Speaker A: That's a beautiful question. When I think about empathy, I think about being able to look somebody in the eye with all the authenticity in the world and saying, I understand.
And that doesn't mean that you went through exactly situation for situation, what that individual went through, but you're able to look at them and the pain that they've experienced, the heartache, the loss, the failure, whatever it was, and be able to understand.
I remember as a kid, being able to thinking about these. These situations that I was going through, and I just felt so alone. Like, I felt like nobody understands what I'm going through. Me and my six siblings, we are painted in the public eye as this perfect little church family, and we have our act together. And behind closed doors, it was anything but that. And so, for me, when I think about empathy now, it's being able to have conversations with people in a genuine way and say, listen, I've been through it. Whether that's family, whether that's injury. Like, I've been in multiple life threatening accidents, including a car accident that fractured my sternum and fractured two vertebrae in my neck, right? Like, there's certain things that I've experienced in my life that have given me the ability to empathize with other people that I wouldn't otherwise have been able to do if I hadn't first gone through those. Those different things. Things.
[00:07:45] Speaker B: Well, and I think that's the thing about empathy, is you, everybody has experienced pain, physical or emotional pain. It's just remembering that and understanding that, well, okay, others have gone through it, but to me, for empathy to really work, it takes, you have to let your ego go. You have to get that out of the way so that you can truly empathize with someone.
And I'm unfortunately, and fortunately, to some extent, I'm very empathic. I pick up on people's feelings. But my problem with myself is I find that I will feel their pain to such an extent that I start spiraling down with them. So the way my defense mechanism is, I throw up the shield of that's nice. And I turn into, like, mister Spock. It's very logical, and I'm going to cut you off because I'm going to get too deep into your. Your story. How do you prevent yourself? What's your. What are your coping mechanisms? What are your defense mechanisms that you've spotted in yourself?
[00:08:57] Speaker A: Well, the first thing that comes to my mind, and I don't know if this is the complete answer to your question from that angle, but music has been a huge outlet for me in a way that I can express my emotion, and being able to kind of release the emotional energies, the tensions, the frustrations, the sadness, the disappointment, as well as sports. Right. I grew up, I wrestled for nine years. I played baseball. I started playing piano and singing at an early age. And so I use those as outlets. As somebody who is also very emotional, like, I'm the type of guy that I wear my heart on my sleeve, and I'm very driven by emotions, right.
I don't know how to articulate it, but I'm somebody that is drawn to and led by emotions. Like, that's my tendency. I'm definitely more emotions over data and analytics.
I tend to fall back on my emotions, and that can get you into a lot of trouble if you're not careful. So I've used playing the piano for an example, if I've had a really hard day or I had really hard interactions that day, like, I use the piano as a way to just sit down and I can play in a minor key, or I can play in a major key. I can play quiet, I can play loud, I can play fast, I can play slow, and use that as a way to just kind of center myself and bring things back to light and bring things back into perspective. So that's been kind of a healthy outlet for me over the years.
[00:10:35] Speaker B: Well, going back to your sports, I saw, I mean, you've. I know you've coached. Do you still coach volleyball or anything like that?
[00:10:44] Speaker A: I do, yeah. So I actually coach club volleyball. I coach a 13 year team based out of celebration, Florida. So just this past weekend, I was in Boca for a two day tournament and did really well. And do you talk about leadership? There's not many things that have stretched me and challenged me as a leader as much as coaching youth in a sport. That has really given me a lot of perspective on just how in the early developmental stages of these kids and how they all need to be led. Right. And how to communicate with them in a way that they will understand, which, of course, is much different for me. And somebody who's in a lot of business professional environments. The way that I communicate to a 13 year old has to be different than the way that I communicate with you here today and knowing that all of them receive things a little bit differently. Right. Like, some of them might need a little bit more of a firm conversation, like, hey, like, I need you to focus right now. And then for somebody else, it might be saying, like, hey, what's going on? Right? Like, how are you feeling? Talk to me. Like, what's going on today? And being able to know for each of them how they receive feedback, how they receive criticism and what they need. And that has been extremely fulfilling, but it also stretches me and challenges me on a regular basis.
[00:12:06] Speaker B: Well, in volleyball's an interesting sport. My trainer, she does a lot of training with AAU volleyball girls players, and she's often saying that volleyball is the most individual team sport out there because it's sort of like they're built to compete against each other for their position and, but they're expected to play as a team. And so, I mean, in some ways, a lot of businesses run like that where you've got, you know, the council of rivals, you know, a lot of leaders like to surround themselves with a lot of people who disagree with each other, hoping they come to the best decision, but they also want them to work together as a team. And to me, volleyball has always worked like that to a large extent. It's like, well, you're individuals and you're expected to be the best at what you do, but by the same token, you've got to be a team on this. So it's interesting. That's the sport that you're coaching now.
[00:13:14] Speaker A: Yeah, it is so true. One of the things I love the most about volleyball is the team aspect of it. And that it's very close and intimate. Like you think of a soccer field, right? It's wide. The coach is way over on the sidelines with volleyball. The coaches are right there at the sideline, very close in proximity, very intimate. And it's so fast paced, right? There are so many touches. It's like constant movement, constant rotation. Everybody has to know their place on the court and when the ball comes over the net, where to rotate and how to communicate and work together as a team. But yet I think every sport is like this. But volleyball because of its close proximity. If one person's energy or mood or attitude is off, like the entire team is going to feel it because they're all right there. And if somebody's communication is off. If somebody's attitude is off, it's going to drag down the whole weight. And so that's something for me as a coach that has been a little challenging is to, again, be able to address that as it comes and be able to say, hey, you're a leader on this team. You're looked at as a leader whether you feel like it or not, you are. And the words that you use and how you treat your teammates and just how you look when you're on the bench. Right. Like you contribute to this team even when you're on the bench, the energy that you have so on and so forth. I just, I love that team aspect of the sport of volleyball.
[00:14:39] Speaker B: Well, now I know you got your full time job, but you also do some business coaching. Do you find yourself bringing what you've learned literally on the court into business coaching?
[00:14:50] Speaker A: I would say so. I would say so in the individual aspect of being able to really come to somebody with just a clear slate and say, I don't have any expectations. Like, I genuinely want to hear from you. Like, talk to me a little bit, right? Like, talk to me about who you are, what's important to you. Tell I want to hear from them to the best of their abilities, of how they want to be coached, right. How I can speak to them in a way that they're going to receive it in a way that they're going to understand. And again, tying in empathy, that's a huge part, I think, of coaching, of leadership, is being able to empathize and just operate with true authenticity, which first comes from knowing who I am and operating in authenticity for myself in my own life, to then be able to help other people walk in that authenticity for themselves.
[00:15:44] Speaker B: What's something that, I mean, you've been at this a while. What's something that most people think is important in the beginning that you've realize now you don't really need to know how to do that or you don't need to do that out there.
[00:16:00] Speaker A: You know, it's funny, I looked at this question and I took a little bit of an unconventional approach to it, but this is what came to my mind. And it's been something that life and business has been teaching me a lot lately, so we're gonna roll with it. And the number one thing that I would say I have two things, but they really go hand in hand. It's one thing that I think people put too high of a value on. It's just naturally because of who we are as humans, how we think and wanting to be approved by people is impressing people because it's exhausting and it'll never be enough.
The line is always moving. It's always shifting.
The line will continue to move as long as you're still breathing. And I've come to find that in life and in business, if you lose, people will talk. If you win, people will talk. People always have something to say. That's just the way that it is. And it's okay. Right. There's always going to be noise, and you can either use it as leverage and as momentum, or you can allow it to slow you down from getting to where you want to go and where you're trying to go. And the second thing to this is just placing too high of a value on people's opinions. I think in the generation that we live in, that is so consumed by people's opinions and by the likes and by the comments and the shares, it's so easy to kind of, to kind of gamify that and to fail to recognize that opinions will always be there, whether you ask for them or whether you don't, opinions will be there. And you have to learn, especially in business, whose opinions hold weight based on the life that they lead, the lifestyle they have, the leadership. Right. And you also have to understand which opinions fall into alignment with your personal mission and with your values and with your goals and your values. And if they don't, you have to understand how to dismiss those and take them for what they are and then move forward in alignment with who you are and where you're going.
[00:18:06] Speaker B: Well, and I agree, that's a great take on that.
I take it back to sports. I mean, you look at people like Tom Brady, Tiger woods, everybody's always got opinions about their swing or what they're doing, how they're doing it.
These folks, they just charge forward and they're, they're leaders of their, their sport. Because after a while, I think what they realize is I'm not really, yes, I'm competing against the other team, I'm competing there on, on the course or whatever, but after a while you get to a point where it's like, hey, I'm competing against myself. And I think so many people agree with you. They, life is actually so much better now than it was in the fifties. But everybody has this nostalgia. Everybody's always got nostalgia for going back to something that was before. But JD Rockefeller didn't have Tylenol. I mean, do we want to go back to it? But he was, you know, one of the richest men at the time. After a while you go, okay, I can't continue to compare myself to everybody else around me and try to impress them. I have to look at what I'm happy with and that's that I think brings you contentment. Eventually it brings you happiness. Number one, to let that go.
I agree. Trying to impress people, that's probably the best answer I've had to that question since I've been doing this podcast.
Yeah, most people, it's always some other thing that they've come up with. But what's a habit? What's something in your daily routine that you wish you had started sooner?
[00:19:49] Speaker A: There's two things that come to mind when I think about this, and one of them is something that I'm sharing because it's been transformational in my life. And I believe that maybe there's somebody out there listening to this that could begin to implement this and begin to transform your relationships as well. And it's simply finding and creating ways to connect with other human beings every single day. That could be a simple text, it could be picking up the phone and just saying, hey, what's up? Checking on you. Hope you're having an amazing week. Like I'm renowned for being in the car and just dialing somebody's number, right? Picking somebody in my favorites or scrolling through, picking somebody in my contacts, or maybe somebody that was on my mind earlier that day and saying, man, I haven't heard from that person in a while, or they were on my mind and I'm going to reach out and call them. But it could also be somebody that you don't know. It could be making a connection with somebody in the checkout line. It could be whatever the scenario is, is kind of besides the point. The point is finding ways to create meaningful, authentic, intentional interactions with other people every single day. And I found that to be so transformational in my life and I wish that I started that sooner. I think I've been doing it for a little while now. But if I could zoom back 15 years ago, I would say, man, what a beautiful, beautiful thing to take a step back and say, hey, it's the whole Dale Carnegie approach, right? People want to be seen, they want to be acknowledged, they want to be noticed, they want to hear their own name. And so I've tried to build my life both personally and professionally by some of those pillars of just making sure that in every situation that I make sure people know that I see them, make sure that if I appreciate somebody, I'm saying it. I'm voicing it. I'm not holding that inside. And then the second aspect of habits that I try to implement every single day is to learn something as small as it may be. But when I found it, when you're consistently learning something new, you have more to talk about. You have more to relate with people on, more to meditate on. You have simply more perspective. Right. And perspective is something you can't put a price tag on. Perspective comes from learning and education.
[00:22:20] Speaker B: Yeah. I've talked with other, a lot of the business leaders on this podcast, and a lot of them, they all talk about growth and transformation.
But I had one, it wasn't even on the podcast. We were just talking last couple weekends ago at an event, at a party, and we were talking about growth and having that growth mindset. But he said, yes. But Joe, before you have the growth mindset, you have to be curious. You have to have curiosity. And that is truly, I think what makes people interesting is they're curious and they read about a lot of things. They learn about a lot of things so that they are better at that, which sort of dovetails into your, your networking and you're in sales. Correct. So tell me how that has worked together for you, this seeking connection, how does that make you a better networker, make you a better salesperson, do you think? How does this fit together?
[00:23:27] Speaker A: Yeah, absolutely. I mean, you talk about curiosity. I think curiosity has to be paired with sincerity. And I've been talking about this a lot lately, and I have just found it to be so incredible in my relationships. But also as I observe other people's relationships, I've seen the depth and the quality that come out of asking better, more quality, more sincere questions. It's the curiosity, yes, but it's then taking that curiosity and beginning to ask better questions. And that has been a huge key in my networking, is being able to take a step back and say, okay, if I'm asking the types of questions that everybody else is asking, I'm going to have the types of conversations that everybody else is having. I'm going to have the types of relationships that everybody else is having, and I'm not interested in that. I want to set something new. I want to set a new pace. I want to set a new bar, a new standard, if you will. And I've just come to realize that if you're asking cliche questions, you're going to get cliche answers. So the perfect analogy, because everybody has heard it or used it, is, hey, I'm Caleb. What do you do but everybody's asking that question, so you're not doing yourself any favors, and you're certainly not setting yourself apart in a room full of 20 or 100 or 120 people by asking the question that everybody else is asking. So I'm big with networking, but in personal relationships as well, try to avoid those common cliche questions. Learn to ask different questions, more sincere questions that beg for original responses. So the perfect question within a networking event is, hey, like, so good to meet you. My name is Caleb. Tell me, what brings you out to this event tonight? Or, hey, how did you hear about this event tonight? Or, hey, you know, tell me, what are you looking to get out of the event tonight? That will most likely result in them telling you a little bit about who they are and how they ended up there, who invited them or how they heard about it, but also translate into a conversation about what they're working on and what they're doing for work or for a career. And then that's a better segue as opposed to asking a scripted question that begs for a scripted response. I don't want your elevator pitch. I don't want your elevator response. I want to know who you are. You know, strip off the mask, take off all that stuff. I want to know who you are, why you're here, what you're looking to get out of this event. And I found that to be so beautiful. Like, quality questions lead to quality conversations, which lead to quality relationships, which lead to a quality culture, and it all comes back to quality questions.
[00:26:15] Speaker B: Well, which lead to quality relationships. And I think the biggest thing there, when it comes back to sales, the, I didn't hear you once say, I tell them this, and I tell them that salespeople who come in saying, hey, I'm here to tell you about what we do and the benefits of what we have and our services or our product or whatever.
Those salespeople, I find to be more grating and people don't really want to go, here they come again.
But someone like yourself, who's coming at them of, hey, I'm asking questions and I'm learning about you. I'm genuine and genuinely not. I'm doing this as a way, a transactional way of trying to find out something about you that I can use to sell you something later. It's, you know, life, I think, has become way too transactional. It's, no, I'm genuinely interested in what you, what you do and what you, what you have to say and what you think about it. I think that goes such a long way for sales in the long run, because you're building a relationship. Sales is a relationship. People want to buy things and work with people they like and people who listen to them.
And having the right questions to ask is very important.
I was listening to David Sedaris, an essay from him. He's funny. And he said, well, one of my go to questions is, how long have you known your dentist? And I'm, wait, you've never seen this person before? But your first question is going to be, how long have you known your dentist? And he said, but it always leads into this long conversation with them about, you know, all the way back to their childhood. And then we, we learned so much about each other with that one simple question. So I do the same thing when I'm at events. How do you move through an event? I mean, you can get into these deep conversations with people. How do you move on to another person to meet more people and truly network at an event? How do you do that?
[00:28:21] Speaker A: Well, I think that first and foremost, it comes by shifting the narrative when it comes to how you think about how you view how you approach networking. Because to your point, so many people look at networking as a transaction. I look at networking as everything but a transaction. If you're looking at networking as a transaction, that's exactly what you'll get is transactions, right? Like, how you think about things is so very important. Same with sales. If you treat people like sales and treat them like a number and value price, that's what you're going to get. So when it comes time for them to shop, they're going to shop. And it's your fault because you made it about price, you made it about sales instead of making it about relationships. And it's the same with networking. If you go into networking events with the mentality of I need to find prospects you already lost, you're already behind. Because I'm going into networking first and foremost, saying, I'm looking to have a transformational interaction with another human being today. Something that's so beautiful to me.
And what I found with relationships in context of networking is not everybody that you meet and interact with is going to be for you. Maybe the person that you meet is not for you, but for somebody else that you know or that you're going to know at that event, right? Like maybe I meet a realtor and I say, well, I already have a close relationship with a realtor, but maybe later that event, I'm talking with somebody who's new into town or whatever the scenario. And I say, hey, I would love for you to meet my new friend. John, I'd love for you to meet my new friend over here. Do you have a minute? I'd love to walk you over and introduce them. And that begins to drastically shift the way that you view networking when you understand that not everybody that you meet is for you, like maybe that relationship or maybe that connection is for you to have the opportunity to be the conduit for that connection, for somebody else, to provide value for somebody else. But beyond that is like setting small attainable goals when you go to networking events, having easily identifiable goals, having a purpose when you network. Because you and I both know networking can easily become this slippery slope and this black hole of just transactions and this, like, useless exchange between two people instead of what it can be, which is opportunities for transformational connections with people. But the other aspect of it, in terms of moving on from a conversation is you drastically improve your ability in your skill of moving on to another conversation if you know in your mind and in your heart that you're going to follow up with that person. So, for example, let's say I meet you at a networking event and we've had a good conversation, right?
We've developed common ground. We're asking sincere questions and we're being genuine in our responses with one another, right? I've said, man, I'm really happy with where this conversation has gone, and I look forward to continuing this conversation later on. Well, if I know in my heart that I'm going to follow up with you after the fact, I can walk away from that conversation and move on to another conversation with all the confidence in the world, because I know I'm going to follow up and I can look you in the eye and shake your hand and say, joe, it was such a pleasure talking with you. And in a perfect scenario, we've already set up a meeting to get together later that week or next week. But if not, I say, look, I look forward to following it back up with you tomorrow and setting up a time to continue this conversation. Let's get a chance to get out and meet some more people and we'll circle back to this conversation. But for a lot of people, they don't follow out. They don't follow up, and they're not confident in their abilities. If anything, they get lost after they leave an event. They have all these cards in their jacket pocket and they're like, okay, now what do I do with all of these cards and with all of this information that I have? But if you can walk away and walk onto the next conversation knowing I'm going to follow up with Joe in a way that's intentional, purposeful, and authentic, then I can walk away with all the confidence in the world to that next interaction, because I know that I'm going to make sure that we reconnect again.
[00:32:41] Speaker B: How do you keep track of everyone? I mean, after you leave an event, how do you keep track of who all you met and the little details you picked up about them that these threads that you're going to weave together in your network and working together with this person, getting to know this person, how do you keep track of that after the fact?
[00:33:05] Speaker A: I think the biggest thing is, number one, physical cards have proved to be extremely beneficial. And I don't mean giving them out. I mean taking people's physical cards and keeping them forever. And I have them all in my office in boxes, and I use them as ways to look back on and remember people, remember conversations.
And in addition to that, I try to do my best to save, especially on the spot, if I can, but if not later on, to save their contact information in my phone, to put little notes in their contact, like in my phone, it can be on a CRM as well. But there's no reason why you can't put notes in that person's contact card, whether it's their preference of wine, or whether it's the fact that they have three kids, or the fact that they're from New Jersey or whatever it might be. Like, don't over complicate this. Right? Make it simple, make it personable. And I'm big on taking notes. Like if I'm sitting down, especially on a one to one, I'm going to take notes with a pen and a paper, and it's going to help me to be able to retain information a lot better so that when I have a conversation after the fact, I'm going to be a little bit more in tune with who they are, where they come from, what their background is, what their story is. And I think that, again, it really just comes down to attention plus intention.
It's not rocket science, right? People are.
Again, it all falls back to the Dale Carnegie methods. If people want to be seen, they want to be known. And if you are willing to go out of your way and spend 30 extra seconds by putting those notes into your phone or uploading them into a file, whether it's an excel spreadsheet or a CRM, that matters to people. Like when I go up to somebody and they ask me, hey, how are things going at the club? Or how are things going with vip? Hey, I saw you speaking at that event the other day. Like, how's that going? That means something because they took the time, the emotional engagement or whatever you want to, however, want to call it, to remember something about me and what I'm working on and to ask me about it, and that stands out to me. Wow.
[00:35:18] Speaker B: Okay. So what channels have led to building the deepest and best relationships for you?
[00:35:26] Speaker A: Channels? In terms of tools, I would certainly say I would start at the very, very beginning and just say my cell phone with texts and calls and reaching out and connecting with people, just picking up the phone. Right. It's already glued to your hand or glued to your hip at any given moment. That's just the generation that we live in. So I've kind of taken in the mindset of using my phone for good and using it as a tool instead of using it as a weapon.
Outside of that, though, I've definitely utilized LinkedIn as a tool to just try and stay memorable, to stay in front of people, to stay, to stay engaged with my audience, and to involve people in what I'm doing.
But outside of that, I would say just in general and quality relationships, what comes to my mind is sometimes it comes from the most, like, the most unlikely places. Like, I think about some of the relationships I have now, and they date back to former employers or former colleagues from three, four, five jobs ago. It could come from family, friends, family connections. It could certainly come from relationships that I've established largely due to networking, where those quality individuals have introduced me to other quality individuals. That's happened even in the past two weeks where people that I've developed relationships with have said, man, like, I see a lot of synergies between you and this person over here. Could I connect the two of you by text or by email? Absolutely. Like, I'd be honored. I'd be honored for that. Be honored to invite them into my circle. I'd be honored to. To be invited into their circle. So when I think about relationships, it's like, it can come if you're looking and you're keeping your eyes open, it can come in a lot of different shapes, a lot of different sizes, a lot of different forms.
I think, again, it goes back to the whole thing with relationships that sometimes you meet people that's not for you, but for somebody else. And I try to have that mentality going into networking events or going into conversations of how can I add value to this individual? And maybe the best way that I can add value to this individual is not by connecting them to me and what I'm doing, but by connecting them to somebody else that I know. And that just has really changed the way that I view people and the way that I view networking, because it really opens your eyes to a much bigger world and to more possibilities than being so narrow, focused, and kind of tunnel vision to say, who can I meet? That's for me and what relationships that I have that are going to benefit me and my life and my business. It's like, well, what about what they need, right? Like, what about what they're going after? How about you identify what they need and help them meet their goals and their ideas, and in turn, you're left more fulfilled, and in turn, maybe they'll ask you, hey, is there any, anybody that I can connect you with? Right. So just kind of. It's just trying to flip the script a little bit.
[00:38:32] Speaker B: How do you find the energy? To me, I've always said it's so easy to hate millions of people, but it's so hard to even like one or two people, especially love, you know, one person, because so much energy has to go into that compared to, it's just so easy to throw off. Yeah, I hate a million people, but, you know, just loving this one person, oh, my God, it's so hard because it takes so much time.
You're. You're what I think Malcolm Gladwell would characterize as a maven.
You're this power network or you're this hub of people and information, and that's got to be taxing on your energy, let alone time. How do you keep.
How do you have the energy to do it?
[00:39:21] Speaker A: I love that question. Well, I'm going to start by my funny response to that, and that it's that I don't drink, so I'm able to. To move, socially speaking, with more tactfulness, with more energy, and with more clarity because I'm not bogged down by alcohol. In all seriousness, I do credit that, as funny as it might sound, I do definitely credit my level of energy and focus and clarity to the lack of fogginess that comes from alcohol. But I think other than that, it's just crystal clear vision as to why I do what I do and who I am. So for me, my mission, both personally and professionally, is compelling and equipping people towards transformational change in their life and in their relationships and then giving them the time, the place and the tools to do so. And when I think about what keeps me going even on the days when I don't feel like it, it's because I am striving to cultivate strong and fruitful relationships. I'm striving to create and cultivate something that I didn't always have. And that is a community full of people who are aligned, who want to see each other win, who want to see each other succeed. And I know that that comes through a lot of hard work, a lot of intention, a lot of sacrifice. And when I think about what I'm pursuing, what I'm chasing after in the big picture, it's really giving people a place, a psychologically safe place to learn, to discover, to ask questions, a place to connect, a place to belong at the end of the day. And I know that that comes through time and intention. Right? Like, good things don't like, that, don't just happen overnight. And so what drives me and keeps me going is that mission that's just in the back of my mind. And so that would be my. My answer.
[00:41:37] Speaker B: And getting your energy from your mission, I think that's important in any business. I mean, you've got to have that clear mission, that clear vision of why you're doing something. And as long as you have that, I think that's what gives you the energy to put into it. If these people who say, well, our mission is to be the largest x in central Florida or whatever, I go, okay, that's an empty mission. That's an aspiration, but that's nice. But is that really why you get out of bed every morning? No, and I think that's the big thing. It sounds like you found your why. That's very, very good.
I wish I'd found my why in my twenties.
What's something that you did different than your peers, differently than your peers five years ago that they were like, nah, that's crazy. What are you thinking about? It may have been more than five years ago, but then. But has served you well.
[00:42:26] Speaker A: I would certainly say that the largest differentiator for me between me and my peers and this, I would say this dates back to really when I was 1516 years old. And that is from an early age, surrounding myself with people who are older, wiser, more experienced than myself, and inviting mentors into my life from a very early age. Again, I mean, we talked about perspective. You can't put a price tag on perspective. And the facts are people who have lived longer and been around longer have more perspective. And so the longer that you surround yourself with people that have not only succeeded more, but perhaps have experienced more failures as well and can offer you that perspective has certainly contributed to my personal and professional growth.
Being able to have that insight and to have that wisdom from people who have gone before me and who have done things that I just haven't yet done right. I think additionally, it's like my ambition, my passion for working hard and just finding new ways to elevate, to level up, finding new opportunities to grow and be pushed outside of my comfort zone has definitely stretched me and contributed to that growth as well.
[00:43:52] Speaker B: You said something there.
I'm bad about this. If someone under 30 comes to me for advice, I am really bad to just dismiss them because it has been my experience that we are always wiser than the generation behind us and smarter than the generation that came before us. And typically, even if they haven't come, it's the ones who haven't come to me for advice, but I'm going to give it anyway. That's the ones that have been really disappointing to me because I go, really, you should go to college. And, you know, maybe look at doing this, or rather than going to college, maybe you should try that. I will try to give them advice. They will not take it. They. Exactly. What happens to them is what I told them was going to happen to them.
But it's been my experience that I just go, well, they're not going to listen to me anyway. So I just don't. I really don't try to give advice to people under 30 anymore because I remember how bad I was. I was smart. Yeah. I was smarter than you. I'm so much smarter than you.
So to hear someone who says, yes, listening to people who came before me, who have been through these experiences, I listen to their wisdom. Hallelujah. That's refreshing to me because I don't hear that very often. It's always, well, I'm so much smarter than they are. They're old. They don't understand how things work today.
There are eternal verities. There are things that are always the same from generation to generation.
And you're going to be broke when you're younger. You're going to be more wealthy when you're older.
You know, education is wasted on the youth.
Activity is wasted on the youth. But eventually, you know, you typically over 30 is when you finally realize, hey, yeah, maybe my parents did have something.
[00:45:47] Speaker A: Maybe they didn't know what they were right after all.
[00:45:49] Speaker B: Yeah, maybe they knew what they were talking about. Maybe I should listen to my grandfather when he said this and you just eventually come around the corner and realize that.
So you're, you're. I can compare to me, you are early in your career. So unlike a lot of folks, when I ask this question, it may still be a little fresh in your mind. What are some things that you've struggled with along the way coming to where you are today?
[00:46:16] Speaker A: Yeah, there's, there's a couple things that come to my mind when I think of challenges along the way, both in the past couple of years and even present day. And one of them is, first and foremost, understanding and embracing the fact that growth doesn't happen from easy times. Right. Sometimes you have to lose in order to learn.
I'll say that again, sometimes you have to lose in order to learn. And losing might not mean just financially, right? Losing could mean losing relationally losing. That could mean a lot of different things. But sometimes you have to experience the battles and the storms and the chaos in order to truly experience and live in unwavering peace. Right? Like the actual definition of peace is a state or period in which there is no war or in which war has ended, which is heavy implications that to experience peace there first had to have been warm. And I think that just begins to put things into perspective, that the, the things in life, especially at an early age, like, there's a lot of things that happen to us, but as you grow and as you begin to mature, you begin to see things happening for you instead of just happening to you.
[00:47:40] Speaker B: Right?
[00:47:41] Speaker A: Do you see the difference there from the victim and the self pity mentality that so much of today's generation is caught in? You start to shift that and say, okay, this happened to me. And I can see that and appreciate that. But this also happened for me, for me to learn, for me to grow, for me to take something out of it and become a better person, to become a better friend, to become a better leader. Right? Second of all, is like that. Not everyone is going to like the personal and professional decisions you make, right? Not everybody's gonna respect and approve of the priorities you have, the boundaries you set, and that's okay.
I wish that I knew that sooner. I wish that I was aware of that sooner. And kind of going off of that is, just because it's important to you doesn't mean that it's going to be important to everybody else. And again, that's okay. Alignment is everything. I've come to have a really deep appreciation for alignment and goals, alignment in priorities, alignment in relationships. Relationships, and even alignment with attitude and behavior, in a funny sort of way. But lastly, on this topic of struggles is just understanding that success takes time, a lot of time. And also true is lasting. Success comes through sacrifice, comes through sadness and some disappointments along the way. And again, that's okay. That's part of the journey. That's part of the story. It's part of the chapters that make up the story of your life. And again, the way that you interact with people, the way that you express yourself, the way that you process information, that's all a part of your personal journey, and that's a beautiful thing, so learn to embrace it early on.
[00:49:38] Speaker B: Well, you talk about chapter and a story of your life. Chapter you mentioned early was the car accident you had had and the injuries you suffered. Do you think, number one, how old were you when that happened?
[00:49:52] Speaker A: I was 21.
[00:49:56] Speaker B: Do you see that as a turning point in any way, or were you already on this trajectory and that was just a speed bump in your way?
[00:50:05] Speaker A: It was.
It was definitely a speed bump in my way. I think that I was definitely on the trajectory.
For me personally, I look at it as something that the enemy was trying to take me out, trying to hinder me, and I'm of the belief that God had something more in store for my life and still had work for me to do here on this earth and people to influence and impact. And that definitely slowed me down, literally, because I was in a neck brace for a few months and couldn't drive for a while. But also because, again, through that pain, I was able to find purpose, I was able to find perspective, and I was also able to develop a greater sense of passion for who I am and now for who I'm becoming as a result of that pain and looking through that lens just in a different mentality. And that's been a very consistent story in my life through these different challenges of family and division and so many different things. It's just very real to me. And like many people, I mean, it's not specific to me. There are many, many people that have family challenges who come from divided homes, who come from broken families, who, like, they identify with brokenness, they identify with the pains of having parents that live two separate lives and playing tug of war, like, never really being able to please either parent and walking on eggshells, and it's just like this emotional tug of war. I know that there are a lot of people in that same boat, and so. And same with physical injuries, right. There are so many people who have experienced physical ailments, and I'm able to now come alongside and really wrap my arm around them and say, listen, I understand, it's going to be okay. And I never want people to feel stuck in the ways that I was and stuck without a place to go and without people around them to support them and hold them up.
[00:52:17] Speaker B: Is that something you had to unlearn about five years ago? Is that. Or is that something. Yeah, something you had to unlearn to get through a bottleneck there.
[00:52:25] Speaker A: I think the thing that I had to unlearn was self limiting beliefs because of the way that I was raised. I was raised with a lot of performance mentality, right? Like the idea that nothing was ever good enough, that I was always seeking and striving for this impossibly high standard. And yet I had a limiting belief of, like, who. Who I was, who I could become. You know, I, like many people, spend years as a prisoner of my own mind, if you will. Right? Like, I didn't believe I was capable of being something more than I was. I believe that I was somewhat limited to what I saw around me, too. Right? Like, the environment around me, which is why I'm so big on the power of environment now. Like, you're a product of your environment.
And I've had to learn to break free from those chains and continue to have to break free from those chains. Right? Like, in addition to that, I had to realize that my past doesn't have to define me.
My parents choices don't have to define me and my life moving forward, you know, because I got stuck in who I was instead of focusing on who I was becoming and who I was growing into as a person in time, over time. And I came to realize that over time, I'm in the position that I'm in today as a result of three main things.
The choices that I make, the people that I surround myself with, and the things that I tell myself. So it really just goes to show as the choices you make, the environment that you. That you put yourself in, which is ultimately up to you. And third is mindset, right? It's like it all starts in your mind and with your thoughts. Like, what are you telling yourself on a daily basis? What types of content are you absorbing? Who and what are you allowing to influence your mind and influence your decisions, because it all flows together. And so those are some of the bottlenecks that I've had to kind of break free from. And some of the things that I've had to unlearn is just mindset and thought and the power of thought. And then how that, of course, kind of manifests into words and into habits and into belief systems.
[00:54:46] Speaker B: So what's something you didn't pay much attention to early on that you've learned? Hey, maybe I better pay a little more. I mean, I think you've touched on a lot, but is there anything else you didn't pay attention to have learned to?
[00:54:58] Speaker A: You know, a lot of people talk about this, and it's certainly true of myself, is just coming to the point where you realize that it's okay to start before your ideas or your product is perfect. You know, because of the performance kind of oriented upbringing that I had, I'm very guilty of overthinking and overanalyzing everything, which can also mean I'm extremely observant and that I have a strong attention to detail, which as a blessing and a curse, depending on how you look at it. But, you know, you learn by doing, right? And as I was thinking about this question, I thought about this analogy of a toddler, an infant, how they learn to walk. By what? By crawling. Like, the very first step of learning to walk is by rolling around on the floor or in the playpen and then learning to crawl. That you don't just get up and start walking and then start running. It starts by crawling. And then it starts by propping yourself up and holding onto the couch or holding onto the table and taking one step and then face planting and then taking a second step and then a third step and face planting again and scraping your knee and being picked back up and determining that you're going to learn to walk. But that's part of the process. That's part of the process of life. That's part of the process of growing both psychologically and physically as you grow up from a child up into an adult. I mean, you don't learn to walk and the next day expected to run a marathon. Right? The bones, the ligaments, they all have to grow and be stretched and form and develop. And so you start to realize over time that life is the same way, relationships are the same way, business is the same way. And that's been a hard lesson for me even now, like presently, as we sit here today in May of 2024, that, Caleb, it's okay to crawl. It is okay to start walking and to fall down and scrape your knee and get back up, because you learn by doing. And it all starts. The marathon is great, but it all started with crawling.
[00:57:11] Speaker B: I agree. That's a great point, especially entrepreneurs. I mean, we get to the point where we're like, it's just not happening fast. Enough, it's not happening fast enough. But with that thought trap we fall into, if it's not happening fast enough, we're quick to just move on to the next thing. It's like, well, okay, that's not working. Let's go to something else. That's not working. Let's go to something else. And we don't give it time to happen. Whether it's our marketing plan or a new sales funnel, we're trying or whatever, because we want to move so fast. We, we don't, we're just not patient enough to go, okay, let's at least give it three months. Let's give it a year. And I've learned it takes typically about three to five years to build a business, a good business that's on its own. It's going to take three to five years. And yeah, you start out crawling. Well, actually, you start about rolling around in complete ignorance, not knowing what you're doing. Then you crawl and then you pull yourself up and you're walking and you hope you get to where you are running the spartan race, you know, and winning it. But it does take time. You mentioned Dale Carnegie several times. What are some of the books that you would recommend that have really been great for you?
[00:58:38] Speaker A: Yeah, that's, that's a great question. How to win friends and influence people, as you could probably pick up by some of my other comments, has definitely been an incredible book for me.
Despite some of the thoughts and feelings towards him. I do credit my kind of ten x mentality of just massive action and finding new ways and big ways to get out of obscurity. I credit to grant Cardone and the concepts and principles from ten x and sell or be sold. Now those are fantastic books as well.
I've kind of shifted because he comes across as very salesy and I've kind of learned to take the principles from those books and pair them together with other people. Like I'm a big fan of, I'm a big fan of Patrick Lencioni. I'm a big fan of Patrick Bette David and some of the more, you know, Simon Sinek to start with. Why? And just living with more purpose and alignment and, you know, again, we talked about stumbling around and crawling around and goals and giving up too easily because it were so fast paced. What comes back to my mind is just, well, that's why it's so important to have your why and to understand what it is that you want and why you're going after it in the first place. That way, when all these distractions come your way, you're able to. To say no to the things that are slowing you down or holding you back from where, wherever it is that you're going. Another person that has been really instrumental in my life as of lately has been a gentleman that most people aren't familiar with, John Mark Comer. And he has a book that I would highly recommend that anybody read. It's called the ruthless elimination of hurry. And it talks a lot about busyness and hurry and just the things that it's so easy to get trapped in, in today's society and today's culture and what culture deems as valuable and what culture deems as important and necessary and just kind of peels back the layers both from a psychological and from a spiritual perspective and really gives an incredible perspective on who you are. Like, why do you do the things that you do?
And having a kind of a better, more healthy view of work and towards relationships. And so that book has been really instrumental in my life as of lately as it relates to my relationship.
[01:01:06] Speaker B: Well, that's wonderful. Well, speaking of mission, our mission, the reason why I get out of bed every day is to help people aspire to a better life. So the last question that I always ask my guest is, who is someone? And it doesn't have to just be one person who is someone who has helped you aspire to a better life. And how did they do it?
[01:01:29] Speaker A: It would take me quite some time to list off everybody who has contributed into my growth and into who I am sitting before you today. But the person that comes to my mind because of his intention over the years and just the length of time, I mean, our relationship dates back 1112 years. Longtime friend and mentor of mine by the name of Adam Tully. And he actually, our relationship goes back to Massachusetts, which is where I'm from. And we knew each other back when I was 1516 years old. And then. And over the years, we stayed in contact. He was a mentor to me back in high school. And I credit my growth from that age where I kind of started to progress in my career. Coming out of the food industry and starting to get into sales and business development came from him seeing something within me that I didn't even see within myself. Right. And a lot of the things looking back, a lot of the things that he's spoken to me from a young age, I've come to see now that he was speaking to a future version of myself. He was speaking to the caleb that I was becoming and growing into. And he has just had such incredible patience with me and endurance through seasons of stubbornness in my seasons of rebellion and just hard headedness. And there's been times where he's taken a step back and just kind of allowed me to learn and grow the hard way. And then there's other times where he's really taken the time to invest by way of conversations and phone calls and checking in on me and sitting down with me for hours on end and phone calls late into the night and coffees and drinks of seltzer water with lime at different places, just talking about life and talking about breaking free from certain generational curses. And he was the guy that believed in me, right? Like, we all need somebody that believes in us. And so that's something that I desire to be now moving forward. And the people that I meet and the people that come to me for advice or look to me as an example is I want to be that guy that comes alongside people wherever they're at in life and believes in them to become something more than they already are and to help them get to that place, because Adam did that for me through a lot of patience and a lot of long suffering, if you will. And times. I know there has been times because we've talked about it now after the fact, where there was times when he felt like giving up and just felt like, kayla, like, what is he doing? What is he doing with himself? But he continued to press forward and to be that. That voice, to be that stability, to be that person in my ear that refused to comfort me with lies but was willing to hurt me with the truth and do it in such a way that was sincere and truly caring. Right. It wasn't from a place of being mean or harsh. It was a place of, like, I need you to see this. I need you to understand this. This is the truth. For whatever reason, you're unwilling to see it, but I need you to understand this. And so that's one of the things that I'm trying to mark my. My business and my personal relationships by now, is just being unwilling to comfort people with lies. Like, I refuse to comfort people with lies. I will come alongside them. I will love them enough to tell them what they don't want to hear. And Adam did that for me, and I cannot thank him enough for being that voice in my mind and being that source of stability over the course of a decade. Right. And helping me develop into the person that I am today.
[01:05:33] Speaker B: Wonderful story. Thank you so much for coming. Your authenticity, your genuineness. I think will, you're early in your career.
Trust me, you're early in your career.
You will look back in 30 years and go, what happened? You know, where'd the time go? But you are light years ahead of where I and most people at your age were at that time in our lives. And you're an inspiration. Thank you so much for coming on. And with that, I'm going to let us go for today. And thank you guys for watching.
Thanks for listening to this edition of trust this if you got something out of it, please press like and subscribe and give us a five star review to help us reach others who can benefit from this series. Until next time, keep aspiring to a better life.
